


You’re All I Want (All I Need)

by ohpleaselarry



Category: Gay baby gang, The Misfits (Podcast), gbg
Genre: Alternate Reality, Alternate Universe, Anal, Angst, Begging, Bottom!Toby, Crushing, Crying, Dating AU, Denial, Fingering, Fluff, Gay Sex, M/M, Pining, Riding, Smut, Top!Cam, Unrequited Love, handjobs, lots of crying actually
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-13
Updated: 2019-03-13
Packaged: 2019-11-16 14:28:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18096134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohpleaselarry/pseuds/ohpleaselarry
Summary: Cam wakes up in an alternate universe where he and Toby are dating.





	You’re All I Want (All I Need)

**Author's Note:**

> SO i had kinda just started writing this for no reason and I didn’t mean for it to turn into this nearly 12k words of angst. All I gotta say is I hope neither of them ever read this lmao yall enjoy and please leave me feedback in the comments 💚

When Cam wakes up, he instantly knows something’s different.  
Rubbing his eyes, he sits up and looks around. He’s in his room, but it’s changed up. There’s another charger in the wall, new hair products at the mirror, and the closet door is open, revealing twice the amount of clothes he has.  
Getting out of bed, he shuffles over to the bathroom, finding another toothbrush in the holder, and a big fluffy pink loofah in the shower.  
Despite not knowing what the fuck is happening, he brushes his teeth, unable to think with morning breath.  
Afterwards, he throws on some jeans and a t shirt, not really having plans he remembers, and heads out of his bedroom and to the kitchen.  
He’s walking down the hall when he hears noises from the kitchen. Cabinets closing, the fridge opening.  
Reaching into his hall closet, Cam pulls out his baseball bat that he put there for just this reason. Heart hammering in his chest, he dials the police as he makes his way to the kitchen.  
He can hear a drink being poured, so with a deep breath, Cam makes himself known, yelling “freeze!” as he jumps into the kitchen doorway.  
The bat falls to the floor as Cam finds its Toby, who’s just dropped the orange juice on the floor in surprise.  
“Cam what the fuck!” He exclaims, surprised as if Cam is the one breaking into his house and giving him heart attacks.  
His phone is making noise, and Cam realises it’s the operator, asking what the address of the emergency is. He tells her it was a false alarm and apologises, hanging up.  
He reaches into the cabinet and pulls out a dish towel, kneeling on the floor and helping Toby clean up the orange juice. He doesn’t even remember buying orange juice, actually.  
“You scared the shit out of me, I thought I had a burglar.” Cam explains, and Toby raises an eyebrow.  
“So you were going to hold a burglar hostage with your shitty wooden baseball bat until the police came? What if he had a gun?”  
Cam feels embarrassed, but it quickly fades. He stands up when the juice is cleaned and tosses the towel into the sink.  
“Why’re you here anyway? When I gave you a key I wasn’t saying scare me half to death at 8AM.”  
Toby’s eyebrows furrow. He looks different, somehow, but Cam can’t figure it out. His appearance is the same, but there’s something different in the way he’s looking at him.  
“I don’t know what the hell you’re on about, but you’re cute when you’ve just been scared half to death, so you’re welcome.” He grins and pats Cam’s cheek, then takes his half full glass of orange juice and makes his way to the recording room. Cam stands in the kitchen, stunned, then follows. They call each other cute all the time, but it’s always when they are playing games and living up the bromance for laughs. Never when they are alone just the two of them.  
Cam stops in his tracks in the recording room. There’s a wall now in the middle of the room, separated by glass, where Cam finds his set up on one side, and what looks like Toby’s on the other.  
“Am I dreaming?” He asks, looking back and forth between the two pc’s. He supposes if they play together, a soundproof wall between them would be needed so there’s no echoing, but Cam was planning that for when he gets enough money to put in a backup pc for his friends to come over and play.  
“You’re being weird today. You take something?” Toby asks as he powers on his pc, taking a sip of orange juice.  
“I must’ve cause yesterday I lived here by myself. When did you move in?”  
Toby turns in his chair and narrows his eyes.  
“Um, the same day you did? Remember? We relocated to Melbourne, like, a month ago.”  
Cam runs a hand through his hair. He’s starting to panic a bit. He feels anxious like he does when he has one too many edibles.  
“Yes. I know I relocated, but you were here already. You came here with the boys before I did. You live with them in the Misfits house.”  
Toby finally stops looking amused. He sets down his glass and stands up, stepping to right in front of him and reaching up, hand coming to rest on Cam’s chest above his heart.  
“You’re getting panicky. Take three deep breaths.”  
Cam feels even more panicked with Toby this close, but he breathes, eyes locked with the other boy’s.  
“There ya go. Now, did you hit your head or something? I’ve never lived with the boys. God, imagine that.” He laughs a bit. Cam’s going insane. He wonders if he dreamed up his entire life.  
“You lived with your parents back home, right?” He asks, wondering how he could’ve possibly forgotten his life. At first he blamed Toby, but the confused expression on the boy’s face makes Cam realise that he himself is the one who’s clearly got amnesia. Maybe not amnesia, actually. He doesn’t think amnesia causes you to remember things a whole different way.  
“Uh, yeah? And then after school we got a place together. Then our lease finally ended in February and we came here.” He says it slow, as if he’s speaking to a child.  
Cam exhales slowly and backs up against the wall, sliding down it so he’s sitting.  
“Why did we move in together?” He asks, then wishes he hadn’t when hurt flashes across Toby’s face. They’re best friends, why not move in together? Shit, Cam’s thought about it before, but never wanted to be the one to bring it up. Then Toby moved in with the others and he never really thought about it again.  
“What kind of question is that? Why would we not move in together? You’re worrying me, now. Are you having second thoughts?” Toby sits down too, chewing on the inside of his lip like he does when he’s nervous. Nervous about what? At least he remembers the last few years of his life!  
“Second thoughts about what?” Cam asks, rubbing his eyes with his fists as if that’ll jog his memory.  
“Us, obviously. Just tell me if you are. Don’t think I can read your mind.”  
“Us?” Cam’s eyes widen, “why would I ever have second thoughts about us?” He asks. He’s saying it as a ‘since when is there an us to have second thoughts about’ kind of way, but Toby doesn’t seem to take it that way.  
The boy smiles and shuffles closer. Cam’s sat criss-cross against the wall, and Toby just straight up gets onto him, straddling him.  
“Okay, good.” Is all he says, then he’s wrapping his arms around Cam’s neck and kissing him.  
Immediately, Cam tries to separate their lips, but he can’t move back, head already against the wall. He reaches forward to push Toby away, but remembers the hurt look on his face, and doesn’t want to hurt his feelings.  
So instead he rests his hands on Toby’s thighs and lazily kisses back, letting Toby lead.  
When the boy pulls away, Cam immediately starts to talk.  
“Toby, I don’t—why—what is happening?” He doesn’t really get an answer, just Toby ducking his head and kissing his neck. Stunned, Cam freezes as Toby suddenly starts to bite, trying to leave a hickey. Cam doesn’t freeze because of the pain, he freezes because of the hot wave of pleasure that tingles up his spine. Something he hasn’t felt in a very long time. Not since high school, when he watched gay porn for the first time, then never did again, ignoring his thoughts and pushing them away until he could pretend they never existed.  
Cam pushes at Toby’s shoulders.  
“S-stop.” He says, and the boy does, leaning back. His lips are red, cheeks tinted pink. What the fuck is happening.  
“What the fuck is happening.” Cam voices his thoughts, and Toby searches his eyes, finally looking serious. He reaches forward and places his hand on Cam’s forehead like he’s checking for a fever.  
“Shit, Cam, you look white as a ghost. Are you okay?” He asks, and finally it clicks.  
“Are we...together?” Cam asks, unable to fathom the thought. The possibility. It doesn’t necessarily feel wrong, it just feels impossible. Something that would never happen in a million years. Cam’s not even into guys. He knew Toby was, of course, but he never thought Toby was into him?  
“Yes? Did you actually hit your head and forget the last three years?”  
“Three years.” Cam repeats, trying to think back three years ago. He was 19 and didn’t even have a million subs yet. They had graduated.  
Toby chews on his lip again and gets off of Cam’s lap, standing up and helping Cam up as well.  
“C’mon. Let’s go see a doctor.” 

 

Cam doesn’t want to seem crazy. He doesn’t want to tell Toby that the past three or maybe even more years were very different for him, because now he’s not even sure what was real. So, he just tells the doctor he doesn’t remember anything. He doesn’t want to end up in a mental hospital.  
The doctor says it’s transient global amnesia, which means his recall of events has simply vanished. They may come back, they may not. Cam wonders if that’s even what’s happened, seeing as yesterday he lived alone in his house.  
Or was that a dream? It had to be. You can’t just switch universes overnight. That’s impossible.  
Right?

 

Toby’s trying not to make him uncomfortable. He asks him questions about what he remembers, and they figure out that their timelines only match up until their last year of school. That’s when Toby says they started to kiss sometimes, then after graduation just made it an official thing. He says they never really called it dating or boyfriends, it was more of just “us” and “together.”  
Is, not was, Cam has to remind himself. They are together. The thought doesn’t gross him out, per say. Toby’s an attractive guy, and his best friend. It’s just...  
Cam remembers back to that time he watched gay porn. The first and last time. He’d done it more as a joke so he could say he watched it. He was a teenager, give him a break.  
But then he was sat there in his bed, eyes wide and hard in his jeans. He’d closed the page, deleted his entire search history, and vowed to never think about what had just happened.  
Yet here he is, years later, watching Toby make them sandwiches and wondering if he really is into guys.  
Well, if they’re dating, he must be right? Since his YouTube blew up, Cam realises he hasn’t really had any genuine intimacy with girls in general. Just the usual hookups that don’t mean anything. The hookups that he makes it through just to release every now and then. Now that he thinks about it, did he ever actually enjoy any of it?  
After years (or what he thought was years) Cam finally lets himself imagine it. Sex with a dude. With Toby? The thought sends a nervous sweat to his hairline. He’s thought about Toby in that situation. Once, in a hotel room in America when he was drunk and had just FaceTimed him. Toby was all smiley and hilarious as he teased him for being drunk, then Cam got off the phone and had a wank before bed. Just having got off the phone with the boy, he couldn’t really think of anyone else. He’d come within minutes, and pretended it had never happened afterwards. Now he doesn’t know if that even actually happened. Did he go to America in this timeline?  
Toby sets down a sandwich just the way he likes it in front of him. Cam could probably make a ‘girl making me a sandwich’ joke out of this, but he can’t really get himself to joke around. Not with the thoughts flying through his head a mile a minute. He can’t imagine himself at 19 “making it official” with anyone, let alone Toby.  
“The doctor said to continue with our normal routine. Regularity has triggered the memory in past cases.” Toby says, picking at his own sandwich but not really eating it.  
“What’s our normal routine?”  
“Well...I was planning on going to get food and stuff from the store. I was going to stream today but I don’t know if I should.”  
“No you should. Don’t, like, stop your stuff because I got a major brain fart.”  
“What a way to describe amnesia.” 

So they go to the store down the road. Cam notices that he doesn’t have to tell Toby what he likes or wants. He just knows, putting in the salad dressing he likes but Cam knows Toby doesn’t. The store errand is a small thing, but it’s big in Cam’s mind. It kind of just confirms that Toby knows everything about him, and even though they’ve been friends for 7 years, Cam doesn’t know this much. He didn’t know the kind of juice Toby likes, or his toothpaste. All those small things that you don’t really think about. You just know.  
When they get back, Toby streams, and Cam sits on the couch and looks through their social media to try and catch up. 

 

Hours later after dinner, they’re sat on the couch watching some reality show about first dates or something. Cam’s halfway paying attention.  
Then suddenly Toby’s moving in close, cuddling into his side and throwing a leg over his.  
“What—“  
“Regularity, remember?” Toby murmurs.  
After a few minutes, Cam relaxes. Glancing down, he finds Toby’s hand is sat on Cam’s stomach just above his waistband. Just casual. Cam wonders what would happen if he just lifted his pelvis, and pressed up into Toby’s hand. He must have done it, right? Three years of dating, they had to of done everything. Cam just doesn’t remember.  
His heart races. His hand on the back of the couch fists the material as he tries not to think of it. He’s never done much other than a truth or dare kiss with a guy. He’s never let himself think of more. But knowing they are together, he probably should, right? He should think of them together. He should—  
“Relax, babe.” Toby says quietly, lifting his head from his chest. Their eyes meet. Cam wonders if Toby can read his mind, then realises he’s tense all over. He tries to relax, but Toby is very close and now that Cam has let himself think about it, he can’t stop thinking about it.  
They’re so close together that Toby just has to tilt his head up and their lips join. It’s much different from what Cam remembers as their first kiss earlier in the recording room. Now, Cam is open to it. Wants to remember. Wants to be who he was before, even though he doesn’t even know who that really is.  
Toby’s hand on his stomach inches down, and stops at his belt. Cam’s breath catches. Panic rises, causing him to stand up and separate them completely.  
“I-I think we need to chill.” He says too loud for the quiet room. Toby leans back on the couch, pouting a bit.  
“What do you mean?”  
“I think..I don’t think we should do anything like that until I remember who I even am. I think we should just be like...friends for now.”  
Hurt flashes across Toby’s face, but he covers it up. Cam feels guilt pooling in his stomach, but more than that, he feels nervous about being with Toby. Everything about them is different from what he knows. Or what he thought he knew.  
“Okay. Um...I’ll sleep in the guest room then.” Toby says, not bringing up the regularity thing like Cam thought he would. The boy gets up from the couch and leaves the room. 

Cam thinks Toby might be mad at him, but the boy smiles at him the next morning as they make their own breakfast. Cam feels better about it, then. If he can feel like they are friends again, maybe he can feel normal again, and not like he’s woken up in a strangers world. 

 

 

A month later, they’re basically how they were before. They stream, recording sessions. They do the podcast with the boys. They go to events and stuff. The only thing different is that they live together. It’s just like Cam thought it would be when he used to think about them moving in together. They stay up late playing games or watching movies, they throw a party and invite everyone they know. They do friend things. It’s great. Cam can basically pretend that he is who he thought he was. Except, of course, when he lies alone at night and presses his hand into his pants, remembering that first day when Toby straddled his lap in the recording room. Other than that, it’s normal. It’s great.  
At least, he thought it was. 

 

It’s been almost exactly a month since he lost his memory, and Cam’s in his room editing a video on his laptop. He’s listening to some 80s alternative. Halfway through a Weezer song, a knock sounds at his door, then it opens. Toby comes in and sits on the foot of the bed. He looks different somehow. Cam cant really place it.  
“I need to show you something.” He says, voice low and raspy, almost. Cam finally notices what’s different. Toby’s eyes are slightly puffy, there’s just a tad of pink around his eyebrows. He’d been crying, but composed himself before coming in. Cam closes the laptop, quieting the song and his editing. He doesn’t want to make Toby embarrassed by pointing out he was crying, but he knows this is something serious. Nerves bubble in his stomach.  
“A week or two before you forgot everything, I was looking in your sock drawer because I thought you stole a pair of mine. I found this, instead,” Toby lifts his hand, revealing a small velvet box. Cam’s heart climbs in his throat. He doesn’t need confirmation, but Toby opens the box, showing him the ring, “you were planning on proposing. I don’t know when or how, because apparently the boy’s lips are sealed, but you wanted to.”  
Cam doesn’t know what to say. He takes the box, looking closer at the ring. It’s a simple engagement ring, but with Toby’s birthstone embedded into it. It’s pretty. Definitely something Cam could see the boy wearing.  
“I just...I know this thing we have, or had I guess, seems foreign to you, and I know you only remember us as friends, but I also know that you fell in love with me. We’ve been together for three years, Cameron. I grew accustomed to sleeping in the same bed, doing everything together. I can’t...I need you to tell me if you want this. If you want to fall for me again. Cause I can’t just keep pretending like this. It kills me to sleep alone. To not touch you. To see you everyday and know I can’t do anything. You not remembering everything we’ve been through kills me, but I can get over that and we can make new memories. We can start fresh.” Toby exhales shakily, eyes glossy. Cam doesn’t know what to say. He wants Toby. He knows that because late in the night when he stops pretending, he thinks about nothing else. Of course he wants him.  
He looks down at the ring in his hand, trying to imagine himself buying it. Proposing to the boy. The thought feels weird in his head. He can’t imagine himself proposing to anyone, really, but he has to remind himself that they’ve been together for three years. He had to have been sure to have bought the ring. He doesn’t make impulse expensive decisions like this. Especially not ones this serious.  
“If you don’t want this, I need you to tell me. I can’t keep thinking about what I’ll do when you remember, because it’s been a month and you would’ve remembered something by now. I need to get over you if you don’t want this, so just tell me straight so I can start.” A tear falls down Toby’s face, but he quickly wipes it away. Cam’s never seen him cry in a serious situation. Only when he’s laughed too hard or during some mega sad movie. Toby’s more of the type to hide his emotions unless he can’t help them, like now.  
“I...I want to try. I think the reason I wanted some space is because until a month ago I thought I was straight and single. I don’t know anything about this. Relationships in general, let alone with a guy. I think about it more than I’d like, though. All the time.” He doesn’t have to specify that it’s sex. His cheeks burn with the confession.  
Toby smiles and cries a bit more. Cam hates to see him cry and not do anything, so he sets down the box on the table next to his bed and pulls Toby with him. They lie together for a bit as Toby lets it out. He’s not loud about it, but Cam can feel the moisture through his shirt on his shoulder, so he knows he’s crying.  
After a bit, Toby lifts his head and wipes his face with his hand. They’re very close. Cam is nervous, but this time, he tells himself it’s okay. He lets himself feel everything. This time, it’s Cam who leans forward and connects their lips.  
Toby’s hand fists his shirt and he presses back desperately. A month apart from a steady relationship. Cam doesn’t know how Toby did it.  
Said boy parts their lips and starts to kiss down his neck, then, being above him, presses their crotches together. They’ve got layers of clothes between them, but it still makes Cam gasp.  
“Missed this so—“ his phone ringing interrupts Toby’s sentence. The boy huffs in annoyance and yanks it from his pocket, answering the call.  
“Hello?..oh shit, sorry! I’ll be right over. Hold on,” hanging up the phone, Toby stands up from the bed. Cam’s heart hasn’t settled, “I forgot I’m supposed to go help Jay pick out earrings for his mum’s birthday. I gotta go.”  
He collects his keys and shoves on his shoes. He leans over the bed and gives Cam a long kiss.  
“When I get back, we are going to finish this. Don’t move.” He says, trailing a finger down his chest, stopping right above his belt, then he grins and leaves the room. Cam hears the front door shut soon after.  
He lies in the bed and tries to calm his heart. The thought of what’s going to happen when Toby gets back causes Cam to chew on his lip and put his hands behind his head so he doesn’t touch himself.  
Thinking about the way Toby’s lips felt against his own, Cam shuts his eyes. He doesn’t realise he’s drifting off, but he is. He falls asleep within twenty minutes. 

 

When Cam wakes up from the nap, he instantly knows something’s different.  
Sitting up, Cam finds his room missing things. No second charger in the wall, no extra hair products on the dresser. Jumping out of bed, he stumbles to the bathroom, finding it depressingly bare of any big fluffy pink loofahs.  
“No no no no..” he murmurs to himself as he nearly sprints down the hallway to the recording room.  
No glass wall. Just his setup. Only his.  
Cam covers his face with his hands and sinks to the floor as he finally realises what has happened. He’s back to who he was before. Back to his usual reality. 

The next two days are terrible. Cam thinks at first that he’s glad to be back in a reality that he remembers, but at the same time, he thinks about nothing else but the way Toby’s lips felt against his. He tries to watch porn, or just think of girls, hell, even other guys, but nothing helps. He tries to record or just play games for fun but he doesn’t want to do anything but feel how it felt to be so close with his best friend again. When he sees him again the day after he came back, it takes all his strength to not just press him up against a wall and show him how it feels to take their friendship a step further.  
Three nights after he came back, he goes right to the club down the street and doesn’t drink. Just gets right into the crowd and starts dancing with the first girl he sees. She dances back enthusiastically, pressing her arse against his front. He can’t get into it. At first he thinks it’s cause she’s not his type, but looking around the room at all the other girls, he realises what it is.  
They’re all not his type. They’re too petite, too much makeup, too much...femininity.  
Cam leaves immediately, getting into his car and pressing his forehead against the wheel. He tries to catch his breath, but can’t. He thinks about Toby. About what they were going to do. The way it felt to have his lips against his neck.  
Cam presses the heel of his palm to his dick over his jeans and hisses, clutching the steering wheel tightly with his other hand.  
“Fuck.” He whispers to himself, and starts the car. 

 

It’s nearly midnight when he pulls up to the Misfits house. He has his own key, though. He quietly unlocks the door and heads inside, can only hope Toby is awake.  
He is, thank god. He seems to be the only one out of his room. He’s in the kitchen, scrolling on his phone, back against the island. He nearly drops his phone when he sees him.  
“Jesus, Cam. What are you doing here? Couldn’t have been any louder or are you trying to kill me?” It’s so Toby. The Toby he remembers from before. But now that he’s back to his life, the one he wished he had back so bad, he doesn’t want it. He wants nothing else but the boy in front of him. So bad his chest aches.  
“You okay? You look...” Toby trails off, eyes narrowing as he can’t think of a word to describe it. Cam steps into the kitchen and right up to him, caging him against the island with his hands, leaning in so they are just barely touching. Toby clutches his phone tightly with both hands, eyes wide and confused.  
“What are you doing? Is this a bit?”  
“Shut the fuck up. You ever stop talking?” Cam asks, not wanting an answer.  
“No? Don’t you know me at all?” Toby gives him one anyway, his wit never failing him.  
Cam takes Toby’s phone and sets it on the island counter top behind him. Toby doesn’t seem to know what to do with his hands now, so Cam leads them by the forearms to circle around his neck. Toby’s cheeks quickly flush.  
“What—“  
“Shut up.” Cam’s heart is racing, but he ignores it. This Toby isn’t the same one he was kissing on the bed earlier. This one is his best friend. He’s not going to sit on the edge of his bed and ask Cam if he’s going to be with him. Cam has to make the moves. Show Toby what he himself only just figured out.  
With the help of adrenaline, Cam just does it. Leans in, kissing him.  
At first, Toby seems hesitant, gasping in surprise against his lips. Then, his hands make his way into Cam’s hair and he kisses back. They kiss against the island for a good few minutes, then Cam presses in close, making his problem downstairs fairly obvious.  
Toby pushes him away. His lips are red, matching the colour of his cheeks.  
“Fuck, Cam, what the fuck.” He says when they part. He pushes at Cam until they aren’t touching anymore, then runs his hands down his face. Cam doesn’t know what to say, just wants the boy so bad he’s dizzy. How many years he wasted in this life. The original life. He could have been doing this for years now, instead of pretending he wasn’t feeling anything.  
Toby catches his breath, then runs a hand through his hair, clearly stressed. The silence is deathly. It drags on, and with each second that passes, Cam’s confidence slowly dies as he wonders if this Toby, the original Toby, isn’t even into him.  
“Please say something.” He says, stepping closer but not touching him. Toby exhales shakily and looks up at him.  
“Just...seriously? Now? After all this time you choose now to do this?” Toby says, exasperated.  
Cam steps back into his space, placing his hands on Toby’s hips.  
“I should’ve done this five years ago when you slept at my house and we drank my dad’s vodka and I wondered what you would do if I kissed you.” He ducks his head and seals the confession with a small kiss. It’s surprisingly sweet compared to the desperate edge from before. Toby huffs quietly and pulls away from the kiss, but presses his forehead to Cam’s collarbone. Usually, Cam’s annoyed by his height. Not wanting to bring attention to himself, he usually finds himself slouching to make himself smaller. Now, though, he kind of loves how they fit together. Toby circles his arms around his torso, pressing his face into Cam’s neck. They stand there hugging for a bit.  
“I...god, you have no idea how long—I’ve always wanted...ugh,” Toby keeps his face hidden, hands fisting into the back of Cam’s shirt, “I’ve been seeing someone. A guy I met about two months ago. We haven’t really called ourselves official yet, but we go out every other day. Like I said, it’s just terrible timing.”  
Cam leans back so he can look at him. He tangles their fingers together.  
“If it’s not official then why not call it off?” Cam asks, and Toby raises an eyebrow, squeezing his hand.  
“I like him. A lot. I’ve never had anything feel serious like him before. I’m not going to throw that away because you’re suddenly not straight anymore. Which, by the way, are you sure about that?” It’s a bit biting, but Cam doesn’t take offence. He knows this would be out of nowhere for Toby. Toby didn’t just go through a month of an alternate universe where they were dating, nearly engaged.  
“Definitely sure.” He says, wants to kiss him. Wants to make up for all the time he spent not kissing him. Wants to kiss him until the boy forgets about this other dude. He doesn’t care how selfish it is.  
Toby stops him from leaning in with a finger on his lips. He looks like he wishes Cam would kiss him too, but can’t help but stop him, thinking of this dude.  
“You caught me off guard before. If I let you kiss me now that’s cheating.”  
“You aren’t even dating.”  
“We are, we just haven’t put the label on it yet.”  
Cam huffs, annoyed, clutches the counter behind Toby’s back and drops his forehead to the boy’s shoulder.  
“Baby, please.” He says, voice low. Toby’s breathing stutters and his finger hooks into Cam’s belt loop. He pulls him closer until they’re touching all the way to their toes. Then his hand snakes under his shirt and grazes his fingers up his torso. It sends a shiver up Cam’s spine.  
“You can’t just call me things like that, you cheeky little shit.”  
“Do something about it.” Cam challenges, picking his head back up so he can meet his eyes. The tension is nearly unbearable. Toby’s eyes narrow.  
“I’m not going to cheat. Stop trying to seduce me.”  
“You’re the one with the hand on my belt.” Cam fires back, and it’s true. Toby’s fingers play with the buckle, teasing him and not opening it.  
Cam sees the flushed cheeks and dilated eyes Toby’s got going on, and figures he can sneak another kiss in. He leans in, and their lips brush.  
A door opens down the hall.  
Toby shoves him until Cam is against the opposite counter from the island. They don’t really do anything to look casual. Just stand there, breathing all irregular, eyes wide, when Matt comes into the kitchen, rubbing his eyes like he just woke up.  
“Oh hey man. Didn’t know you were coming over.” He says, clapping Cam’s back then opening the fridge door, pulling out a bottle of water. He opens it and as he drinks, his eyes flit between the two of them, then down to the annoyingly obvious tint in Cam’s pants. Fuck Toby and his loose ass pyjamas that don’t give anything away. Cam’s so embarrassed that he can feel even his ears turning red.  
Matt lowers the bottle slowly, screwing the cap back on.  
“Do...do I even want to know what I just interrupted?” He asks.  
“Not at all. Goodnight.” Toby says too loud for the small room. Matt grins and takes the hint, throwing Cam a wink and a thumbs up before he leaves the room. They hear his door click shut seconds later.  
“I should go to sleep. You should go home. We can’t do this again.” Toby says, and it’s like reality is hitting him. He’s got this defeated look on his face and he barely looks at him before he turns to leave the room.  
Cam stops him with a hand on his wrist. Toby doesn’t turn around, so he fits himself to the boy’s back, presses a soft kiss to where his neck meets his shoulder.  
“Tell me honestly that you don’t want this and I’ll never try anything again.” Cam says. Toby’s tense, and this close, Cam can hear him gulp nervously.  
“I can’t...but that doesn’t mean I’m going to leave him for you. I really, really like this guy. He...he was my first. You have to respect that.”  
“Toby...”  
“Cameron.” He turns and gives him this look, and Cam doesn’t want to make him mad or uncomfortable. He knows he has to respect it. He has to back off. The guy beat him to it. All Cam can do now is sit back and play nice. Hope the guy doesn’t have a ring hidden in his sock drawer.  
“Just know that every time I look at you I’m thinking about kissing you. I’ll respect it. I can wait for you.”  
Toby tries to hide his pleased smile but fails.  
“I can’t imagine how I’m worth the wait. Don’t waste your time.” He warns, as if that’ll ever stop him.  
“Fuck off. I’ll wait forever.” He says. It’s cheesy as hell, but it’s worth it when Toby does this little laugh that makes Cam’s insides feel floaty.  
“Go home.” He says, and gives him this look that Cam hasn’t seen directed at him since the other world when Toby told him to wait up so they could finish later. Any second thoughts he might have had just fly away. Though he’s just been basically rejected, Cam smiles.  
“Come with me.” He says, knowing what the answer is but saying it anyway. Toby rolls his eyes and backs away until they aren’t touching anymore. He does this cute little wave and leaves the room. Cam stands in the kitchen smiling stupidly until he hears Toby’s bedroom door shut.  
He leaves the house and drives home in a daze. It’s not until he’s brushed his teeth, shedded his clothes, and crawled into his cold bed that it settles in. He won’t wake up next to Toby. He won’t get to just kiss him. Not for a while. Not until this sort of relationship he has going stops. The smile and the fuzzy feeling fades until it’s just loneliness. Rejection. And holy shit, the longest case of blue balls he’s ever experienced in his life.  
He cuddles his pillow as if it can help, and doesn’t fall asleep for hours. 

 

After a few weeks, Cam notices that when his and Toby’s eyes meet, Toby eventually stops giving him this sweet little secret look. Eventually, it’s almost pity. Eventually, Toby’s got that look when he’s on the phone with this Sean dude, not when he looks at Cam. Eventually, Sean starts to join their Friday night potluck dinners, and he and Toby play stupid cheesy footsie under the table. Cam knows because he can’t stop looking at them. At how Sean looks at Toby like he’s the sun. Cam can certainly relate, but he wishes Toby were making that face at him, not back at this dude. This overly affectionate, horribly well mannered and nice dude with stupidly great charisma who’s buff and not awkward in the slightest.  
You could say Cam’s a bit jealous.  
He tries to hide it. When Sean leaves after dinners or events that Toby’s starting bringing him to, he makes little comments about how nice he is, hoping it’s not coming off sarcastic. When he starts to play with them during sessions, he jokes around with the dude.  
Friends close and enemies closer, right? 

 

He gets drunk. He’s gotten drunk plenty with the guys, but it’s almost depressing this time. They are playing some mario cart in the living room and Toby’s sitting on Sean’s lap. Sean keeps feeding him pretzels. It’s so fucking annoying.  
Cam watches them from the stool at the island, drinking probably more than he should in annoyance.  
It’s been weeks and the guys have noticed his general salt. Most of the guys just think he’s in a mood, but Matt keeps giving him this look like he knows exactly what he’s going through and it just makes his mood worse. Knowing that Matt knows he’s jealous as hell.  
Cam stands and sways a bit, then leaves the room towards the toilets, not really needing to go but just wanting out of that PDA infested hell.  
He doesn’t get all the way there. He’s halfway down the hall and gets too tired. He leans heavily on the wall and shuts his eyes. He could probably fall asleep standing up right now if he wanted to. He almost does, knees locked and somehow keeping him upright, but then there’s a hand on his arm tapping him.  
“I hate when you get like this.” Toby murmurs, helping him down the hall and into his own room. Cam sorta remembers driving here, so it makes sense that he’d probably have to stay over.  
“Like what?” He asks, delayed. Toby smiles sadly.  
“So drunk that you’re shit at hiding your emotions and everyone in the room knows what you’re feeling. I thought you were over me, to be honest.”  
Cam feels like he’s going to cry. He’ll blame it on the alcohol if Toby pokes fun, though he knows he won’t. The boy lays him down on his bed and takes off his shoes and jeans, leaving him in briefs and a t shirt.  
“Lay with me.” He begs, taking Toby’s hand.  
“I’m going to go back to the party. I’ll sleep on the couch, you’ll be alright.”  
“Just a minute, for me. Please.” He tacks on, not really knowing what his expression looks like but hoping he’s making some sort of puppy dog face.  
Toby sighs and kicks off his shoes, crawling into the bed. With their height difference, it would seem that Cam would be the spooner, but right now he makes himself small, pressing his nose to Toby’s chest and his arms around his waist. Toby combs his fingers through his hair and it feels so nice. Cam basks in it, pretending it’s real. Pretending the boy’s actually confirmed boyfriend isn’t sat just down the hall.  
“I miss you.” He confesses, voice a bit muffled by Toby’s shirt. The boy understands him anyway.  
“I know. We don’t really hang out much anymore.”  
It just makes Cam more sad. He frowns and lifts his head, eyes wet as he presses a kiss to the spot where Toby’s neck meets his jaw.  
“Cam...” he warns, voice a tad shaky.  
“I know. I won’t.” He says, though he really wants to. Toby chews on the inside of his lip like he knows exactly what he wants. He probably does. Cam gets really weird when he drinks too much. Sometimes it makes him emotional.  
“I should go back—“  
“I love you.” Cam says, pressing another kiss in the same spot.  
“Don’t say that, Cameron, shit,” Toby pulls away like he’s on fire, “you don’t mean it. It’s been two weeks at the most.”  
Cam frowns.  
“Nah. I’ve known it for years. Just never let myself know it.” It kind of makes no fucking sense, but he feels like it’s true. It easily could be.  
“What does that even...ugh. I gotta head back. Go to sleep.” Toby stands up, and now Cam’s cold.  
When he leaves, Cam just kind of feels pathetic. Pining after an unavailable guy for weeks then dropping the L bomb after not even going all the way with him. He lies in bed just kinda feeling embarrassed for a bit, then decides he wants to talk to someone about it. He’s tired of the constant inner dilemma. There’s only one other person who most likely knows.  
He stands up out of Toby’s bed and starts for the door to find Matt, but promptly trips on Toby’s gaming chair and catches himself on his desk. His hand bumps into the mouse and the screens turn on. Apparently he just had it in rest mode while a game updates for a bit.  
Cam decides who better to give him advice than the fans? They know them plenty well, and the people of the internet know everything!  
It only takes a minute to go live from Toby’s account. The viewers flood in, and when they find Cam, drunk, eyes narrowed at the bright screen trying to keep up with chat, it doesn’t take 5 minutes for the viewer count to rack up in the thousands. Cam doesn’t say anything for those five minutes, just spending them trying to speed up his delayed brain enough to be able to read a single message in the chat. It’s going far too fast, though, so he gives up.  
“Heyyyy, guys. I’m very drunk and I need some advice.” He says, just seeing “fitz???” over and over in the chat for a bit.  
They start to say nice things, like “hope you’re okay” or “you can tell us anything”.  
“Aww. Toby’s community is so nice.” He slurs, smiling stupidly as they start to be overly nice, now. Complementing his hair and shit. They ask him what he needs advice on.  
“Okay, so a few weeks ago I had the weirdest dream or maybe alternate universe trip where Toby and I were dating. It was weird at first but then I just really wanted it and I even had a ring in my sock drawer. So I come back to real life and we aren’t dating, obviously, so we make out in the kitchen but now he’s dating this fucking really nice guy and it’s killing my life. What do I do? Do I get over him and move on or challenge this guy to a duel?” He sighs and realises chat is being far too unhelpful. It’s all spam of “WAHT THR FUCK” or “IS THIS A REAL LIFE FANFIC” or just straight up nonsense letters thrown together. It makes Cam’s intoxicated head hurt trying to read it.  
“You’re supposed to tell me what to do. None of your messages are helping me.” He says, and with a groan he turns, grabbing the bin under the desk and promptly puking into it.  
After that’s over with, he wipes his mouth and looks back to chat.  
“I’m so pissed right now. I feel like I’m going to regret this tomorrow.” He says, not seeing a single shred of advice in the chat. Everyone is just flipping out. He spots a regular question in the mix.  
“No I didn’t lie. We actually did kiss. It was so nice, too. He’s great at it.” He starts to ramble about the kitchen incident, giving details. 

Meanwhile, Toby’s sat on the couch with Sean, unable to get the depressed look Cam had in his eyes out of his head.  
Suddenly, Jay stands up and thrusts his phone into Toby’s face.  
“Holy fuck, Cam’s live from your account right now and he’s telling 50k viewers that you two made out.”  
He looks at the screen, finding a clearly drunk as hell boy smiling as he recalls how soft his lips are.  
Toby’s heart leaps into his throat, and they all stand up and nearly sprint to the bedroom. 

Cam stops talking as he hears what sounds like a stampede coming towards him.  
“What is that—“ the door flies open and he sees way too many people come in. Toby immediately comes over to him and shuts down the livestream, deleting the vod as quick as he can. Cam doesn’t know what’s happening.  
Toby turns and shoves at his shoulders, looking really mad. Scary mad.  
“What the fuck! What is wrong with you?!” He yells, sounding more serious than Cam’s ever heard him.  
“I...I don’t know. I’m sorry.” He says, not really understanding what he’s apologising for.  
“You can’t just...what the hell? You not only just officially outed me, but you outed Sean. Not to mention yourself. Why would you tell everyone?! That’s our business! Our reputation!” Cam blinks a few times as he starts to sorta realise what he’s done. Still drunk, he doesn’t really get the gravity of it, but he frowns and runs a hand through his hair.  
“I-I’m sorry. I just wanted advice.”  
“Wait, it was true? What he said?” Swagger asks, eyes wide. Cam looks at all the boys faces and remembers that they didn’t know about this. They knew Toby was with Sean, but they didn’t know about the kitchen incident. He hasn’t even told them he’s not into girls anymore. How did he forget about this?  
Toby huffs and doesn’t answer, but it seems to be enough of an answer for Sean, who leaves the room with glossy eyes. Toby calls his name and runs after him.  
Cam’s eyebrows furrow as he tries to process what’s just happened. He doesn’t really know what to say, but he picks up the waste basket again and pukes for a second time.  
“We should get him home.” Mason says, and so they do. 

 

When Cam wakes up the next day, it’s about 3PM and his head is pounding. He’s halfway through brushing the disgusting taste out of his mouth when the memories from the night before flood back in all at once. He gets so nauseous and dizzy that he has to sit on the bathroom floor and press his forehead to the cool tile so he doesn’t pass the fuck out.  
Oh god.  
What has he done. 

 

When Toby doesn’t answer his 30th call, Cam decides to call a cabbie, too hungover to properly drive. It’s not a long ride to the misfits house. He doesn’t knock, just steps inside. The boys, sans Toby, are sat at the table talking quietly. He’s never seen them more serious for how sober everyone is.  
They don’t say anything when they see him. Their faces are looks of pity, but mostly they give him this look like he’s just a huge pile of trash on legs.  
“Can I see him?” He asks, not knowing why he asks. He feels like a teenager meeting the parents for the first time.  
“You’re kind of the last person he wants to see right now, mate.” Jay says. It’s terribly awkward.  
“Where’s um...where’s Sean?” He asks, wishing he hadn’t when the question makes all of their faces annoyed. Angry, almost.  
“He’s fucked off. Toby tried to tell him they weren’t technically dating when you two...ya know, but Sean said it was cheating anyway and broke it off. Toby’s devastated.” Swagger explains, crossing his arms and leaning back in his chair. Cam feels like shit, but he supposes he deserved it.  
“He deleted the vod?” He remembers.  
“There’s already hundreds of screen recordings of it. Toby put out a statement saying you were drunk and it wasn’t true but nobody believes it. You should see his twitter feed. Its trending. There’s already drama videos on it.” Matt says, scrolling through his twitter as he says this.  
Cam runs a hand down his face and feels like he might cry.  
“I never...I mean, of course I wanted them to break up, but I didn’t want to be the reason for it. I didn’t want to hurt him.”  
“We know. But good luck getting him to forgive you. He’s in his room.” Mason says, even he is serious. Cam takes that as permission to see him. He gives them a thankful look and leaves the room, happy to be out of their piercing stares. After years of friendship, he knows the feeling of protecting his friends from haters or idiots and he knows how much it sucks to see them hurt. So knowing he caused that, knowing he is the one who’s hurt him, he kinda wants to fucking die in a hole, actually.  
He stands outside Toby’s door for a few minutes, contemplating going inside. Working up the nerve, he opens the door and shuts it quietly. Toby’s laying in bed, back to the door, with the duvet pulled all the way up to his ears. Cam steps up to the bed, stomach turning nervously. He sits on the edge, as far away as he can, wondering if he’s within swinging distance.  
“I’m sorry.” He murmurs. Toby doesn’t say anything.  
“I drank way too much. I don’t think I’ve drunk that much since I was like, 18. I just...I don’t have any excuses. I don’t know why I did what I did. I wish I could take it back. I know you wanted to come out in your own time. When you were ready.”  
“I’m not angry about that. Everyone knew I was gay. I have more purses than a teenage girl.” Toby says, voice raspy and biting.  
“Then what...” Cam trails off as Toby sits up and looks at him. The boy’s eyes are puffy and red. He’s clearly been crying. His cheeks are hardly dry, like he was even crying just before Cam came in.  
“I’m not angry that you outed me, even though you’re a piece of shit for doing that. I’m fucking in love with Sean and he’s just left me because of this.” He exhales shakily and covers his face with his hands, never one to like crying in front of others. Who does, really?  
“I...you didn’t do anything wrong. I was the one who made the advances. Does he know that?”  
“I let you make the advances. It’s just as bad as if I’d been the one doing it.”  
“But you weren’t even dating?”  
Toby laughs sarcastically and throws his hands up.  
“We’d been seeing each other for two months! He wanted me to meet his parents! Of course we were dating, even if we didn’t put the label on it!” Toby lies back down and throws the duvet over his head so Cam can’t see him.  
“I’m sorry. I never wanted this to happen. I never wanted to hurt you.” He says, almost begging Toby to hear it. To believe it.  
“Bit late. Your apologies mean nothing to me. Just...I need to be alone. I need you to leave.”  
Cam can feel his eyes stinging with how hard he’s trying to hold back his own tears.  
“I don’t want to lose you. You’re my best friend.” Cam says, wiping his eyes angrily as a tear falls without his permission.  
“Leave. Please. I can’t look at you right now.” Toby says, so Cam complies, not wanting to hurt him further. He doesn’t say anything more. He just leaves the room and shuts the door with a soft click. He avoids the other boy’s eyes as he leaves the house and calls a cab. 

 

He knows where to go. He tells the cab the address and they pull up to the building. He’s only been here one other time when they were helping put together Sean’s new pc.  
He presses the buzzer.  
“Who is it?” Sean asks a minute later.  
“It’s Cameron.”  
“Piss off.”  
Cam sighs and runs a hand down his face.  
“Please, Sean. Let me up. I need to explain. He’s been crying all day. He hasn’t even gotten out of bed. C’mon, I’m not leaving until you let me up. I’ll stand here forever. It’s cold out here, too.” It’s not, but he tacks it on hopefully.  
Something he said must’ve worked cause the door buzzes unlocked. Cam steps inside and takes the stairs two at a time up to Sean’s flat.  
He doesn’t even have to knock. Sean opens the door and lets him in. Cam gives him a small hello smile but Sean is just frowning. He doesn’t look like he’s sad. He just looks pissed off.  
They sit at his table, where it looks like Seans been taking apart a clock. He raises an eyebrow.  
“I take things apart and put them back together when I feel like shit. Keeps me busy. Why’re you here?” Sean asks, folding his arms over the edge of the table. He’s not taller than Cam, but he’s easily more muscular. He’s not overly buff, but he clearly works out regularly. Could easily fuck him up.  
“Look. This is my fault. I...had this weird ass dream thing a few weeks back and it made me realise I’m not into girls. And Toby...I’ve known him for years. He’s my best friend. I just, I dont know. I didn’t know you were together then. He hadn’t told us yet. I went into his kitchen at like midnight and sorta surprise kissed him. He didn’t have any time to tell me not to. He told me right away that you were together and that I couldn’t kiss him again. He was faithful.” Cam’s hands are sweating under the table with how tight he has them clasped together.  
“I don’t get it. If you want him so bad why are you here?” Sean asks, narrowing his eyes.  
“I’m here because I don’t just want him. I love him enough to realise that he’s chosen you. He’s in love with you. If I let myself be the one to stop that and hurt him just for my own wants, I couldn’t...I can’t do that.” He feels his eyes prickling again, but he doesn’t let his tears fall. Not in front of this guy.  
“You really do love him. That’s some Nicolas Sparks level shit, man.” Sean says. Cam looks at him and sees that he’s smiling just a bit. He looks a lot less scary when he’s smiling.  
“He told you he loves me?” Sean asks, cheeks tinting.  
“Yeah. He’s been in bed crying all day. Please just...go to him. Tell him you love him so he can be happy again.” Cam feels like he’s going to puke with his words, but they must be said. He knows this is best. Toby didn’t choose him, simple as that. He has to get over it.  
Sean stands up and Cam does as well. The dude steps up to him and gives him a hug. Not some dude bro half hug. A big bear hug.  
“I won’t forget this. It takes a real man to put his feelings aside like this.” Sean says as he pulls away. They make their way out of the flat and call separate cabs.  
Sean’s cab comes first. He grins and claps Cam’s back before he leaves. Cam watches the vehicle disappear with a hurting heart and glossy eyes. 

 

Cam doesn’t hear anything for two days. He just works his ass off, editing up two entire main channel videos. One video can usually take a month, but he supposes he just really wants to distract himself so he doesn’t call the boys and ask what happened. Nobody has said anything other than a “you did good, man” text from Swagger.  
But two days after it happened, Cam’s bell rings. He goes to answer it, assuming it’s mail or something.  
It’s Toby.  
Cam’s breath catches. Toby looks ten times better than last time he saw him. His hair is clean and nice. He’s shaved and he’s smiling. No puffy eyes in sight.  
“Can I come in?” Toby asks, and Cam apologises and opens the door wider so he can come in.  
He follows Toby to the couch where they sit.  
“So...I wanted to thank you for what you did and also I want you to know that I forgave you for what happened about an hour after it happened. I was just sad the next day and took it out on you. I don’t think you’re a piece of shit.” Toby says, smiling a bit.  
“I know this sucks, but you putting away your feelings so Sean will come back...I don’t know how to thank you.”  
Cam shakes his head at his words.  
“No. It’s my way of saying sorry. For everything. I won’t...I won’t try anything anymore. I’ll back off. I can get over you.” He says, trying to convince himself more than Toby at this point.  
Toby exhales shakily and sits up.  
“Look, Sean didn’t tell me everything you said. He said it was between you two. But he told me to do this. He said you needed something real for closure or some weird ass insightful shit.” He rambles a bit.  
“What is it?” Cam asks. Toby stands up and steps up to him, then crawls into his lap, straddling his thighs. He wraps his arms around Cam’s neck.  
“Toby...I...” he wants to say ‘cant’, but he could. He easily could. Gladly would if Toby wanted him to.  
“Look, you’re my best friend, okay? I need you in my life, but we need to say goodbye to this part of us. And I don’t want you to look back at the last time and resent me. I want to make our last kiss nice. Something we can look back on and remember with a smile.” Toby explains, and now it makes sense. Cam wasn’t going to argue no matter what Toby says. If Toby wants it Cam will gladly kiss him.  
He lets Toby lean in. When their lips meet, Cam can’t contain the whiny noise he makes. He pulls Toby closer by his hips and deepens the kiss right away. The kiss doesn’t get too dirty. Its long, though. Cam tries to put everything he feels into that kiss that he can. When Toby eventually pulls away, they’re out of breath. Toby stays right there, forehead pressed to his, and cups his cheek with his hand, thumb pressing to Cam’s lip like he has to stop himself from leaning back in.  
“That was the last one. Good?” Toby asks. Cam nods, closing his eyes and pressing his forehead to Toby’s shoulder.  
“Good. I won’t try to kiss you again. Unless you want me to, of course.” Cam says. Toby laughs a bit, and they hug for quite a while.  
“I should go,” Toby says after a few minutes, “don’t forget we’re recording the next podcast tomorrow.”  
Cam nods and Toby stands up, pulling him up as well. They go to the front door. Toby smiles at him and stands on his tiptoes, pressing a kiss to his cheek. Cam smiles back. They don’t say anything. Cam watches Toby leave, and doesn’t shut the door until we can’t see his car anymore. When he’s gone, he shuts the door and presses his forehead against it, and finally lets the tears fall. 

 

The next day, Cam steps into the podcast studio room. They decided to get their own studio so they can record it in person each time, drink a bit or smoke a bit. Whatever they want to do. It’s a lot better in person.  
Cam takes his seat and opens a bottle of water, taking it slow. Definitely staying away from the alcohol. Everyone’s already talking, excited to start the podcast. He meets Toby’s eyes a seat down from him, and they share a smile. Toby asks him if he remembers the first time they got drunk together, and asks if they should share that story in the recording. Cam laughs at the memory and agrees. It’s nice. It’s almost normal. How it was before.  
Only now, he has to ignore the stinging in his heart. 

 

ONE YEAR LATER 

 

Cam’s 20 million subscriber video has just finished uploading, finally. Cam sits back in his chair and smiles. It was crazy when he first found out, but just looking at the video and knowing it’s all true...it feels surreal. He and the boys are heading out in a month for the Misfits Tour, where they will be going to popular points all over America and Europe for a few months to meet fans and have a funny little show for them.  
His doorbell rings.  
Standing up, he checks the time, seeing it’s nearly one in the morning.  
He opens the door and finds Toby with an expression he can’t really explain.  
“Hey, mate. You know you have your own key?” He reminds him, as he does nearly every time. Toby laughs and shrugs, stepping into the house. He doesn’t leave the entranceway. Just stands there right in front of the door.  
“You okay? What happened?” Cam asks, eyebrows furrowing.  
Toby shakes his head and runs a hand through his hair.  
“Sean proposed.” He says, nearly a whisper.  
“Oh..congrats! That’s great. I’m happy for you.” Cam says, pulling him into a hug. When the hug is over, Cam notices Toby’s still got this weird almost sad look on his face.  
“What’s wrong?”  
“I...I said no.” Toby says, and Cam’s stomach turns.  
“What? Why?”  
Toby doesn’t answer at first. He takes a few deep breaths and Cam notices he’s fidgeting with his fingers like he’s nervous.  
“Are you, um, over me?” He asks, and Cam’s stomach flips.  
“Oh...uh, you don’t have to worry about me. I won’t try to, like, crash the wedding or anything.” Cam hopes Toby doesn’t notice he avoided saying yes or no. Because Cam doesn’t know how well he can lie about this. It’s been a whole ass year, and yet his heart is still hammering in his chest just being alone with him.  
“You didn’t answer the question.” Toby says, absolutely calling him out. Cam chews on the inside of his lip nervously.  
“Am I over you? What? Of course, man. I don’t even remember what it was like to be into you! I don’t even...” he trails off when Toby suddenly steps closer. Cam steps back, but his back just hits the wall behind him. He kinda forgot they were just in his small entranceway.  
Toby leans in close, standing up on his tiptoes so he can have his lips just a few inches from Cam’s.  
“So you don’t want to kiss me right now?” He asks, taking Cam’s wrists and leading them around his waist. Cam doesn’t know what the fuck is happening.  
“Don’t do this to me. I won’t mess with your wedding.” Cam says, voice shaky.  
“What if I want you to? What if I asked you to kiss me?”  
“Toby—“  
“Please, Cam. Kiss me. I want you to. I need you to.” He begs so sweetly. Cam grabs his hips and spins them around, pressing Toby against the wall he was just again. Toby leans his head back, looking up at him. His hands play with the hair at the back of Cam’s head.  
He ducks his head and presses their lips together, heart beating so fast he can feel it in his ears.  
Toby makes this hot little sound and pulls him closer, kissing back enthusiastically. They kiss for a solid two minutes, until Cam pulls back and presses his lips to Toby’s neck, working on a lovebite.  
“Want you, Cam. Please.” He begs, and Cam’s breath catches. He leans back and searches his eyes.  
“What’re you saying.”  
“I’m saying I want you to bring me to your bed.” Toby says, so damn obvious. Cam tries to calm his breathing, placing a hand against the wall next to Toby’s head.  
“Are you, like, do you really want—“ Toby interrupts him with a hand at his waistband. This time, there’s no teasing. He pops the button on Cam’s jeans and lowers the zip, snaking a hand into his briefs and circling his hand around the base of Cam’s cock.  
“Want this so bad.” Toby whispers, squeezing him. Cam’s sure he’s leaking into his briefs. There’s no way he’s not. He doesn’t really need much more convincing. All the worries and questions in his head just fade away. 

Toby pushes him onto his bed and crawls on top of him, pulling off Cam’s jeans and pants in one go. Cam can’t seem to calm his breathing. He makes a strangled noise when Toby pulls off his own clothes. He’s so gorgeous.  
“You’re so...fuck.” Cam says, as articulate as ever. Toby laughs and pulls some things from his pocket before tossing the jeans off the bed.  
“Try not to bust in two minutes.” He says as he squeezes what seems to be lube onto his fingers before they disappear behind him. A few seconds later, he gasps.  
Cam watches in awe as Toby preps himself, biting his lip so he doesn’t ask to do it himself. He has zero experience in the matter.  
Toby makes these gaspy noises every few seconds, then he pulls his fingers away away and unwraps a condom.  
He rolls it onto Cam, who exhales shakily at the feeling. It’s been a while, he has to admit. He was too nervous to go out the past year and have his gay virginity taken by some random dude, even if he was topping, so he kinda just steered away from any human intimate interaction other than his hand for quite a while.  
Toby positions himself and slowly sinks down onto him. When he bottoms out, Cam clutches his thighs to stop him from moving, toes curling.  
“Too good?” Toby asks, leaning forward and pressing a kiss to his sternum. Cam opens his eyes but is only met with pink cheeks a bright blue eyes. He has to quickly shut them again.  
“Oh fuck.” He says as an answer. After a minute, he loosens his clutch on the boy’s thighs and hums as Toby starts to move slowly.  
As he rides him, he makes these noises that he can’t seem to contain, sweat gathering at his hairline. His thighs shake from the exertion.  
Cam sits up and combs Toby’s hair back from his forehead with his fingers. They kiss for a bit before they flip over, Toby on his back.  
Cam hooks one of the boy’s knees over his shoulder and presses back into him.  
“Angles perfect.” Toby gasps, clutching the sheets.  
Cam fucks into him hard and fast, causing Toby to moan, back arching.  
“So good, baby.”  
He can feel it building up, so he circles a hand around Toby’s cock and pulls him off in sync with his thrusts.  
It doesn’t take long.  
Their both still out of breath a minute later, as Cam wipes off Toby’s stomach with a tissue.  
“So...you said no.” Cam says, laying down next to him, head propped on his elbow as he runs gentle fingers over Toby’s.  
“I thought because I loved him it was meant to be. But I realised when he asked that I loved someone else more. I don’t know why it took me so long to just accept that.”  
Cam tries to contain his blush, and the fluttering in his stomach.  
“Lucky guy.” He says, chewing on his lip as if that’ll stop his grin. Toby laughs, turning on his side as well and kissing him.  
“We’re so cheesy. The gay jokes during sessions are going to get so much worse.”  
“I can’t fucking wait. Speaking of fucking, round two in the shower?”  
Toby stands up, screeching when Cam slaps his arse as they race to the shower.  
It’s a good night. 

 

 

6 months later, they’re getting ready for the last show of the tour. Everyone’s doing their own thing or testing mics and what not. They can all hear the fans in the audience talking amongst themselves, waiting for the show to start. Cam’s always nervous before each show, but it’s different today. He’s going to remember this show for the rest of his life. He’s sweating nervously.  
A hand comes to rest on his arm. He turns and finds it’s Toby, who’s smiling with what looks like pink nail polish on his nails.  
“Pretty.” Cam says, tangling their fingers together.  
“I know right? I think it perfectly matches the colour of my asshole.” He says, flashing his nails like he’s in a photoshoot.  
“I’ll confirm it after the show.” Cam laughs, pulling him close and pressing a kiss to his forehead. He’s perfectly shorter than him to do so. It makes him smile every time.  
“Dirty. You look nervous.” Toby says, only making him more nervous.  
“Uh, yeah, ya know. Last show. Gotta make it good.”  
Toby opens his mouth to reply but then the lights on stage are dimming and the intro music starts.  
He ducks his head for their usual good luck kiss.  
“Love you.” He says as he always does when he pulls away.  
“Love you too. You ready?” Toby asks, bouncing on his heels with excitement.  
Cam looks at him, at the spark in his eye that he gets before every show. Their fingers still tangled together. He sneaks his other hand into his back pocket and feels the small velvet box he’s hiding there for the perfect opportunity.  
“Yeah, I’m ready.”

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE leave me feedback in the comments below, it’s all I write for :)


End file.
